Forever's Not So Far Away
by arianajudge
Summary: Bella comes home from her life with the Cullens to help clear her head and get away from Edward for some time. Really, she's trying to find an excuse to stay and Jacob Black isn't making that easy.
1. Prologue

_So this is my first attempt at publishing a fanfiction. I've always had ideas in my head and have even scribbled some down but I'm determined to complete this one :) I've also finished school so I should have plent of time on my hands which is always a good thing._

_Each chapter is inspired by a song :)_

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><p><strong>Prologue<strong>

Life after you – Daughtry

Jacob POV

"Is it true?"

My father nodded.

"When did she get back?"

"Last night"

My breath got caught in my chest and I felt as if I was going to fall. I placed my hand on the doorway to steady myself. "Is he with her?" I was terrified of the answer.

"Not that I'm aware of"

I didn't know what to think. I was a complete mess. Three years she had been gone. Three years. I hadn't seen her since the wedding. I was a mix of furious and ecstatic. Furious because she hadn't contacted me at all in those three years. She hadn't said goodbye. And she chose him. But I was ecstaitic because she was back. I didn't know how long for or why but she was back.

I ran my fingers through my hair and took a deep breath. I didn't know what to do now. I was so angry at her and theres no telling that he isn't near by. He might not be with her now but who's to say he wont be there tomorrow.

"Are you going to see her?"

I shook my head. "No". I looked up at my frowning Father.

"What if she's left him?"

I shrugged. "What if she hasn't? I wont be thrown away like that again"

I turned around and ran for the forest edge discarding my shorts as I did so. I had been living in hope that she would return for all these years and now that she had, I couldn't care less.


	2. Chapter 1

Home - Daughtry

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><p>Returning to Forks was a lot harder then I thought it would be. Luckily, Charlie didn't ask many questions. I guessed that he was just happy to have me home. I told him I wasn't sure how long I'd be staying he simply told me to stay as long as I needed. It felt good to be welcome.<p>

Of course Charlie asked why I had come back, especially without my husband who always seemed to be attached to my hip wherever I went. When I said that I wasn't ready to talk about it he smiled and just said it was good to have me back.

To be honest, I'm not overly sure why I came back. The fact that my husband was incredibly controlling, restrictive and clingy had something to do with it of course but that was something I knew about Edward before I married him. I suppose I just wasn't happy anymore and no matter how much I tried to tell myself I had made the right choice, there was always a section of my brain screaming at me saying "What are you doing? This isn't right and you know it"

And I did know it.

When I told Edward that I wanted to visit home for a few weeks he was all the more willing to come with me. When I wold him that I wanted to go alone, he wasn't too happy.

"But I don't understand why you have to go alone"

"Am I not allowed to visit my friends and family?" I was in the middle of packing which took twice as long as it should because Edward kept removing things out of my cases as I put them in.

"Well yes but-"

"No buts. I'm going and I don't know how long for" I turned around to look at him. He had his eyes focused on the floor and was taking a few steps back away from me.

"What is this really about?"

"Nothing. I just havn't seen Charlie in a few years it would be ni-"

"This isn't about Charlie. You've been acting different for over a year now. Alice said she's finding it hard to see your future which means you're going to see the wolves... is it him?" he never looked me in the eyes.

"No" I tried to keep my voice steady. I had been convincing myself it wasn't about him for over a year. I had even written to him explaining _everything_ to him. I told him about Edward and my problems with him. I told him about my struggle not to come home. I even told him how I may have made the wrong choice. I figured that writing to him would be like writing in a diary but instead I put a stamp on it and sent it away. But when he never replied or called I knew I was being silly and tried my best to stay in love with Edward. I knew it wasn't fair and a part of me wished I would get a reply from him so I could leave and know that I'd have somewhere to go to... or someone to go to. But he hadn't replied meaning Jacob Black was just another childhood friend. "It isn't about him"

Edward nodded and forced a smile. "Okay then... I'll call you a taxi"

My first few days back in Forks were weird. Mainly because nothing had changed. My friends had moved onto college or something similar so I just moped around the house. It was good to see that Charlie's routine hadn't changed. He still went to work, visited Sue and went over to Billy's to watch the latest game.

I was reading when he got home from his latest visit to Billy. I was so tempted to ask how he was doing... more importantly, how Jacob was doing. I was too scared to call him. I had gotten close to trying but hung up after the first ring. I imagined he'd be mad at me. If he didn't even reply to my letter then he must have been still angry at me. After all, I did break his heart and marry his motal enemy.

"So Jacob asked how you were tonight"

I threw my head up from my book to Charlie so fast I almost pulled a muscle. "He did?"

"Yeah. That was all though. Once I told him you were good he shrugged and went to his room"

"Oh"

"Hmm. He's missed you. Maybe you should go visit him some time. It would do you good to get out the house and that boy hasn't been himself in a while. It might do him good too" he hung his belt on the hook and walked upstairs.

"Yeah..." I said to no one in particular.

The next day I jumped in my car (the truck died on me a few years a go. I now drive a Mercedes) and headed for La Push. My hands were shaking as I manoeuvred them around the wheel. I was nervous. I wasn't sure what I'd say to Jacob once/if I saw him and I wasn't sure what he would think of me turning up. I should have called him first. I stopped before I got to the turn-off to go his house and calmed myself. Of course he'd be angry, I thought, I left him even after he lovingly put my heart back together piece by piece. I'd be surprised if he wasn't mad.

I drove on instead and headed for the beach. It was too soon to face Jacob. I decided to call him next time.

I pulled into a space and walked the rest of the way to the beach. It was windy and cold so I wrapped my jacket around me tighter. I saw that nothing had changed. Even the old log we used to sit on was still there. I smiled at the memory and made my way to it.

I sat there for a while staring at the ocean. I preferred this to where I was living with the Cullens. The house was nice but it was too big. It wasn't warm and cosy and as happy as it was here.

"So the rumours are true then"

I turned around to see Paul stood before me, shirtless with his hands in his jean pockets. Of all the people to get reacquainted with first, Paul was the worst. He wasn't my number one fan at the best of times. "Yeah" I nodded "I'm back"

"And why would that be?" his voice wasn't hateful in anyway which surprised me but it wasn't friendly either.

I shrugged in response. He sat a few feet away from me on the sand and didn't look in my direction again.

"Seriously though. Why are you here? Married life not what you expected?" his smile was cocky.

I shrugged again. "Kind of" I brought my knees up to my chest and rested my chin against them.

"Did the bloodsucker life get too much for little Miss Swan? Oh I'm sorry, I guess I should say Mrs Cullen right?"

"What do you want Paul?"

"Hey, I'm just curious. You know me, ever the caring person. Especially when it comes to you" he turned his head and smiled again.

"Whatever" I kept my eyes on the waves for a few moments. Things were quiet for a while. After a few minutes I took a breath and asked "How is he?"

Paul laughed. "Do you want the truth? Cos if not, then I guess he's doing wonderfully, he's the happiest person alive!"

"Paul..." I turned my head and looked at him. His face fell once he looked at me. He looked and the ground and played with the sand uncomfortably.

"The truth? He's a mess. He's still himself in some ways but he just isn't happy anymore. He always puts on a brave face when there are people around but we can inside his head and he isn't doing good"

"Is he mad at me?"

"Wouldn't you be? I mean, come on! You fucked off with a bloodsucker without even saying goodbye properly. I guess if you visited a bit more he might be a bit better but you didn't even call. You've been a total bitch if you ask me"

"I know..." I turned my head away from him so he couldn't see the tears falling down my face. I wiped them away slyly. "Should I see him?"

Paul shrugged this time. "It'll probably be a bad idea. He knows you're back and he refuses to even talk about you... but it wouldn't hurt to try and talk to him"

I nodded and remained silent. Paul was right. I should see him. But I was scared of being rejected and sent away... which is exactly what I did to Jacob.

"We're all fine too by the way. Thanks for asking" Paul rolled his eyes and went to stand up.

"I'm sorry, I should have asked. How is everyone?"

"Better than Jacob. Sam and Emily are expected their second kid, Jared and Kim got married last year, me and Rachael are doing good and everyone else is normal. That about covers it" he turned around and waved me off before shouting back "Jacob's home by the way. No time like the present"

I waved back as he left and said a quiet goodbye knowing he'd still be able to hear it.

Twenty minutes later I stood up and brushed myself off. I had been thinking of what to say for all that time even though I knew I'd forget everything I wanted to say once I saw him. But I headed back to the car and drove in the direction of his house, shaking the whole way.

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><p><em>Eeee I'm nervous. Only of what you guys think of it, I'm not nervous of the story line or anything.<em>

_Tell me what you think and what you would like to happen. I'll take into account anything you guys tell me and if I use something you suggest, i'll give credit :)_

_Ah, thanks for reading :) -hugs- _


	3. Chapter 2

_Well I hope you guys are enjoying it so far. Not that there's much to enjoy, theres only been one full chapter so far but you know what I mean. _

_Breathe – Taylor Swift_

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><p>I parked right outside Jacob's house and sat there for what felt like forever. He probably knew I was out there but I saw no sign of him inside. Every time I was ready to get out the car and knock on the door, I got too nervous and didn't move. I knew I was being silly. He used to be my best friend, why was I so scared? I suppose I didn't want to see how much I had hurt him. But I needed to see him. I looked at my left hand where the huge diamond ring sat on one of my fingers. I wriggled it off and held it for a minute before opening the glovebox of the car and putting it inside.<p>

As I opened my car door I was greeted by a tight hug.

"Bella! You really are back!" Quil grinned widely at me once he finally let me go.

"Hey Quil" I tried to smile back but I was a little shaken up.

"You here to see Jacob?"

I nodded and turned my head towards the house.

"Are you okay, Bella?" he kept moving his head to be able to meet my gaze.

"Yeah... I'm fine" my breaking voice wasn't very convincing.

"Nervous huh?"

"Just a little. I'm not sure if I'm overly welcome here"

"You just need to give him some time. He might not make you feel welcome at first but he really is glad you're back even if he doesn't act it" he took my hand and led me to the door. He knew that I needed a little push to get me there. He let go once we got to the porch and he let himself inside. While he walked in I remained on the porch, sheepishly playing with the hem on my shirt and staring at the floor. "Hey! Jacob! Someone's back and she's here to see you"

"Yeah. So I heard" I looked up to see him stood in the hallway. If it was possible, he had grown more since the last time I saw him. He was wearing a tight grey tee which didn't allow much for the imagination and jean cut-offs. His hair was short and choppy, recently cut.

"Hello" I brought my gaze back to the floor. My heart was almost beating out of my chest.

"What are you doing here?" his voice was harsh and not like I remembered it to be.

"I came to see you"

"No. I mean what are you doing _here_, in Forks?"

I shook my head. "I don't know" I looked up to see his eyes fixed on my left hand which felt lighter than it should because of the absence of the ring. He turned away and walked towards the kitchen. Quil motioned me to come inside. I took a few steps inside the front door and gently closed it behind me. I didn't move in any closer.

"Three years, Bella. Three years! How do you expect me to act when you just turn up here unexpected. I mean, really, why are you here?" he turned back to me and stared at me. His eyes held so much hurt. And it was my fault.

"I sent you a letter" I avoided answering his question.

"You mean this letter?" he walked away and came back a minute later holding a piece of paper.

"You read it?" I stood with my hands by my side, totally shocked.

"I replied to it!" He shouted. He then discarded it on the sofa next to him.

"You... but I never..."

"What am I meant to do, Bella? You give me this hope that you're going to come back. You ask me to tell you to come home and you don't, I never hear a word from you again. You just keep giving me hope and then throwing me away again"

"I didn't get it... I didn't know you re-"

"Don't even bother. Just leave before you hurt anyone else. I'm tired of being second best. Just go. I once thought that I stood a chance but apparently not. You might as well be one of them because the day you married him was the day you became dead to me" his voice was raised and angry.

I stood there completely dumbstruck. Quil walked away uncomfortably. "I understand why you're angry. But that is not fair" I tried to make my voice come out as strong as possible. "If I were to come back as one of them then yes, you have all means to say that but I'm not. I'm stood here in front of you completely human and you think I'm dead to you? You asked why I came back, well you've seen that I have an empty left hand. You read the letter. You work it out" as I turned around to leave he spoke.

"You left him?" his voice wasn't angry anymore. It was just sad.

"No. Not yet. I came here to figure out what I want but apparently I'm not welcome so I guess I should just go back" I looked at him one more time before leaving. "I didn't receive your reply... ". I left the house shaking. I struggled to put my keys in the ignition so I took a few deep breaths the steady myself then I drove off.

I had to pull over after a while because I couldn't see through my tears. I rested my head on the steering wheel and cried hard. I had hurt him more then I thought I had. I wanted to much for things to be normal. I wanted to much for him to be my friend again. I wanted so much for him to tell me what to do about Edward because I knew what he would say... he would tell me to leave him and that's what I wanted to hear. I wouldn't matter if I heard it from Charlie or Renee. I wanted Jacob to say it. I wanted an excuse to come home. I don't know why I didn't receive his letter replying to mine but if I did, this probably wouldn't be happening.

Once my breathing had settled and my eyes had dried I carried on driving.

**Jacob POV**

I contemplated running after her to tell her I was sorry for what I said but I didn't. I walked towards the sofa an collapsed on it. I leant forward and put my head in my hands. I was a total bastard. It's understandable that I'm angry at her but what I said was just mean and spiteful. But I wanted to hurt her. Not a lot obviously, just a little bit. Just so she knew how much she hurt me. I turned my head towards the letter on the sofa next to me. I picked it up and turned it around in my hands over and over again. When I opened the mailbox to find it about a year a go I wasn't sure what to do. It took me so long to get the balls to open it, it took even longer to write my reply... and she didn't even receive it.

"That was a little harsh, dude" Quil was stood behind the sofa.

"I know" I didn't know what else to say.

"Are you going to apologise? You should do"

"I don't know. I don't want to see her for a while"

"Well I think you should. She did come here to apologise to you after all. It took her a lot to do that"

"I know. Hey could you leave for a bit? I kinda want to be alone" I looked at him over my shoulder. He smiled and nodded then left.

I unfolded the letter. I hadn't read it since I first got it and even looking at her typically neat handwriting reminded me of how my heart must have skipped a thousand beats when I realised it was from her. My eyes fell to the first line and a re-read it for the first time in over a year.

_Jacob,_

_I don't know why I'm writing to you. I don't really know what to say. Apart from I'm sorry..._

I remembered reading that line and thinking 'Just another apology. Of course'. Back then I was tempted to not read on thinking it would just hurt me again to remember her voice as I read. I continued.

_I know that I hurt you and believe me, I'm hurt as well. Leaving was so difficult. Even marrying him was hard knowing that I'd be leaving everyone behind. I know that you're wondering whether or not I'm human... well I am. And I know that you're wondering how married life is... well it's tough. I don't feel like I'm his wife but I suppose I should have expected this wouldn't be a normal marriage. _

_I don't know why I'm telling you this, you probably don't want to hear about how he is too scared to hug me due to hurting me let alone do anything else. I don't really have anyone to talk to. Rosalie has warmed to me a lot more but I'm guessing that's because I'm still human. I talk to her about some things but not a lot, Edward will just read her mind and know what I said. He's says that he loves me and he wants to protect me but he doesn't let me do anything by myself. I started college... well I did a year of it and then dropped it completely. I thought that college would be my escape to let me be myself but no, he joined me for each of my classes so I was Mrs Cullen at school as well. I don't really like that either, 'Mrs Cullen'. It sounds weird. _

_I think about you. Everyday actually. How are you? I hope the pack are okay. I think a bit too much about you to be honest. More then a married woman should. I don't know if that means anything... _

_I wanted to call you and I'm sorry that I haven't spoken to you in so long. You know how Edward is with you (I know what you're thinking, 'what a controlling bloodsucker' right?) he wouldn't like it if I spoke to you. A few months a go I said I wanted to see you and he kept going on about how dangerous you are and how it would be a bad idea. If i'm really honest... I may have made the wrong choice. This isn't a life for me to live. Yes I do love Edward with all my heart but my love for him has changed. It just feels like because he was my first love those feelings will never go away and I'm confusing those fading feelings with current love, if you know what I mean. You probably don't. A few months a go, Edward said he was ready to change me... I said no. Mainly because I couldn't believe that he had the nerve to say that _he_ was ready, should I be the ready one? And because I've come to realise what I would lose if I went through with it... mainly you._

_I'm rambling now, sorry. But it feels good to write to you. Edward's out hunting and Rosalie and Emmet have been appointed my 'babysitters' so I have a chance to write this. I've enclosed my current cell phone number if you want to call me. It's a number Edward doesn't know about. I want you to call. _

_I admitted to myself the other day that I may be thinking about leaving. I never admitted it to myself before because I would have thought of myself as a failure of I can't even get my marriage to work for two years but then I remembered that I wasn't sure about this before I married him so I can't imagine it lasting much longer anyway. He just doesn't treat me right... he's too controlling and clingy and protective. _

_If I _did_ leave, would you still forgive me? I miss you. And I think you're playing a major part in my doubts for my relationship with Edward. I know that's a terrible thing to say, all of what I'm thinking is a terrible thing to think but it's okay to think that if it concerns the rest of my life right?_

_I'm sorry this is so long, I only meant for it to be a few words. _

_I want you to reply. I want you to tell me that I'd have a home if I was to leave. I'd leave tomorrow if you told me to..._

_I'm sorry for everything... I love you_

_Bella, _

I folded the letter and closed my eyes. After I had finished reading it for the first time back then I felt so foolish. I almost hated her for leaving me but it seemed that she was just as unhappy.

She was still unhappy...

I knew that I had every right to be angry but she had every right to be forgiven... eventually. And if she really didn't receive my letter replying to hers then I can't be mad at her for not returning a year and a half a go, after all, mail gets lost in the post all the time right? Then I thought it may not have been lost, but stolen. Her husband does have a reputation of being controlling and, of course, hating me. It could have been possible that he got to the mailbox before her the day my reply arrived. He's broken her truck before to stop her seeing me. Who's to say he wouldn't sink so low as to take her mail?

I went to my room and picked up my cell and flipped it open as I sat on my bed. I opened a new message and wrote two sentences:

_'I can't promise things will be normal right away. Leave your window open tonight'_

then sent it to the number she mentioned in the letter.

I didn't bother putting my name at the end. She'd know who it's from.

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><p><em>Well... I didn't expect that to be so long. Sorry if it dragged on a bit but I got a bit carried away :) Tell me what you think of it? Do you like it so far? Eee don't be too mean .<em>

_Any suggestions would be super appreciated too, of course i'll credit you if I use them. _

_And things won't be normal between Bella and Jacob for a while... I won't have everything fine and dandy so soon. I'll have it drag on a bit :) just a warning._

_Thank you all so much for reading!_


	4. Chapter 3

_I was slightly nervous about the last chapter. Not only because it dragged on a little bit (thats how I felt) but because I found it difficult to get Jacob's attitude across, how he's scared to forgive her but of course he wants to. I just wanted to make that clear incase I didn't before :)_

_Used To – Daughtry _

_I'm using a lot of Daughtry lately, sorry :P But this song really works for this chapter and I shall prove this by giving you some lyrics_

_You used to talk to me like_

_I was the only one around._

_You used to lean on me like_

_The only other choice was falling down._

_You used to walk with me like_

_We had nowhere we needed to go,_

_Nice and slow, to no place in particular._

_We used to have this figured out;_

_We used to breathe without a doubt._

_When nights were clear, you were the first star that I'd see._

_We used to have this under control._

_We never thought._

_We used to know._

_At least there's you, and at least there's me._

_Can we get this back?_

_Can we get this back to how it used to be?_

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><p>The sound of my phone vibrating on the desk made me jump. No one called me or messaged me on that phone. Hardly anyone knew the number. I walked over to my desk and picked it up. The phone didn't recognise the number. I opened the message and read it.<p>

It was Jacob.

I smiled and closed my eyes. There may actually be some chance we could be like we used to. I went to the window and opened it so I didn't forget later.

I sat on my bed and laid down. I had really messed things up. I rushed into a marriage that I didn't really want and I no longer want the one thing I did, the one reason I rushed into that marriage. To become a vampire. I had also messed up the friendship between my best friend. And there's a possibility our friendship will never be the same. All because of me.

I closed my eyes and imagined what my life would be like if I had never taken Edward back when he left me all those years ago. I imagined what would happen between me and Jacob and where we would be now.

It was dark when I woke up. I rolled over and checked the time on the clock next to my bed. 11:46. I sat up and rubbed my eyes. I had been crying in my sleep, my eyes felt red and swollen.

"Hi"

I twisted around to face my window. I had forgotten that I had left the window open. And Jacob was sat on the ledge. "Hi" I said in return.

Jacob stared at the window ledge and played with a bit of peeling white paint. "I'm sorry"

"Me too" I couldn't take my eyes away from him.

"You shouldn't be sorry. Well, you should. But you've apologised enough. It's my turn now" I could see he was trying to look at me. Every now and then his eyes would flick towards me but never for more then a second. "I shouldn't have said what I did. I was angry and that was out of order. I just..." he sighed and stood up. I watched him pace my room.

"Jake..." he turned and looked at me. No one else called him that apart from me. "... I don't know why I didn't get your letter. If I had then..." I looked away from him. Why was this so difficult? Why couldn't I just say that I want to stay here.

"I have a theory. A theory of why you didn't get my reply" he sat on the edge on my bed with his hand laid flat on the blanket. Just inches from mine. "I reckon your husband might have something to do with it"

I shook my head. "Edward wouldn't do that"

"Wouldn't he? He's stopped you from seeing me before"

He was right. I've lost count of how many times Edward broke my car or refused to let me go or even stood on the treaty line the whole time I was in La Push to 'make sure I was okay'. "What did your letter say?" if Edward really did take it, he probably would have read it. Meaning he would know I've been thinking of leaving.

Jacob frowned "I can't remember"

"Yes you can. I know when you're lying, Jacob Black"

He shrugged "It said that I wanted you home. Of course it did. How could I not want you home..."

"Well you told me to leave earlier"

"I told you I was sorry"

We were silent for a few minutes. Every now and then it seemed like he was going to say something but changed his mind and went back to being quiet. It felt awkward. It never used to be awkward. We used to be able to sit in complete silence together and be completely comfortable in each others presence.

"So why are you finding an excuse to leave him then?" he broke the silence then stared at me until I answered.

"I'm not finding an excuse. I just-"

"Oh come on, Bella. Stop denying it" he stood up and faced me "I can answer why though. He's a controlling, overbearing, overprotective, boring bloodsucker and you've _finally_ realised it. I mean, when was the last time you really got to live? Thats the reason he wanted you to marry him and go to college right? To live a bit? Well just how much fun was that? Did you _really_ live? When was the last time you did something you really shouldn't have? When was the last time you were really reckless? Because I bet anything it wasn't within the last three years"

"Why are you saying this?" I could see his was getting angry again. He seemed to have quite a short fuse with me lately.

"Because I want you to see how wrong he is for you. Because ever since he left you to go galavanting in Italy I've been telling you how wrong he is and I only now are you starting to see how I was right! But you _still_ wont admit it because you're too damn scared"

"I'm not scared" my voice was starting to raise to the same volume as Jacob's. I got off from the bed and went to make sure my bedroom door was closed. The last thing I wanted was for Charlie to come up.

"You are. Why wont you just admit that you made a mistake? I just don't understand why"

"Fine!" I pushed myself away from the door and stepped towards him. I could feel my temper rising. "Fine! You want me to admit it? Yes. I made the wrong choice! I was so clouded by what I thought was love, I didn't see what I was marrying into. And yes, I am trying to find an excuse because I'm too cowardly to leave for myself. And the last reckless, totally stupid thing I did? Three and a half years ago when I kissed you!" I took a breath and watched him try to hide his smirk. "Before the newborn battle. When I kissed you. That was the last _stupid_ thing I did"

"So nothing with Edward? You've had no fun at all with him?"

"The last fun thing I did? Three and a half years ago. When I kissed you"

"Well then..." he smiled but in a smug way. "What does that say about him?"

My bottom lip started shivering and I tried so hard to stop myself from crying but I failed. A few tears ran down my cheek and Jacob watched as I wiped them away quickly. I didn't say anything. Instead he stepped towards me. He placed a finger under my chin and lifted my head to face him. Then he very quickly placed his lips on mine. My eyes flew open with shock. His hand moved to the back of my head as he pressed into me, trying to deepen the kiss. I placed my hands on his chest and pushed him away, still crying. "What the hell do you think you're doing?"

He shrugged. "Now that you've realised he isn't right for you, I'm going to start working on showing you just how right I am"

"You can't just do that. I'm a married woman" I couldn't stop crying and now I didn't understand why.

"You'll never admit it to yourself if I don't"

I cried harder and brought my fingers up to my lips then shook my head. "Not now Jake. Please not now"

He smiled and walked to the window. "Later then yeah?" and with that he ducked his head under the window pane and jumped.

I took a few steps backwards and sat on my bed. My fingers still touching my tingling lips. I smiled. Jacob hadn't given up on me like he once promised. And he tried to push the boundaries like he used to so many times before. I closed my eyes and smiled even more. Things were starting to be like they used to be. Slowly but surely.

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><p><em>So I found writing that chapter a little boring. It may be because i'm totally shattered but it may also be because that chapter was slightly boring. But that conversation did need to take place and Jacob did need to start showing signs of becoming his old self. So if you're thinking "hmm pointless chapter", it wasn't :)<em>

_Thank you all so much for reading and reviewing. I really do appreciate it._


	5. Chapter 4

_Thank you guys all for reading and reviewing :) I really do appreciate it._

_The Airborne Toxic Event – Sometime Around Midnight_

_(the song doesn't relate to this actual chapter, it's just a really good song and will relate to one in the future, I just couldn't find one for this one :) )_

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><p>Over the next few days Jacob and I continued to speak. He would call me before bedtime and say goodnight. He would come round with Billy and sit with me while our dads watched TV. I couldn't say we were getting along perfectly. There would be uncomfortable silences every now and then and I would sometimes catch him staring at me looking so hurt. I felt as if I was hurting him just being near him.<p>

"Bella?"

"Mmm?" I twisted my head round to face him. We were sat on the sofa watching a movie. He was sat on one end, I was on the other, there was so much distance between us.

"We're having a bonfire at Emily and Sam's tomorrow if you want to come. You don't have to. But everyone kinda wants to see you. I know Embry's finding it hard to stay away from you" he smiled widely at me.

"Sure" I smiled at him enthusiastically.

His smile faded suddenly and he paused for a long time staring at the floor but that wasn't where his attention was. He stood up quickly and went to the window, drew back the curtain and tightened up. He only remembered I was in the room when I got up to stand next to him. He turned to me and spoke after a few seconds. "You don't have to if you don't want"

"Of course I want to" I was puzzled. He was acting weird. And not weird like he has done over the past week or so. Just, different.

"Okay" he faced me completely now and placed his hands on my shoulders.

"Jacob? What's going on? You're being weird"

"You'll come tomorrow?"

"Yes. I said I would. I... Jake, what's wrong?"

He nodded and walked towards the back door, removing his shirt as he did so. He turned to me and helplessly pointed to the front door "You've got a visitor by the way" he then ran off.

I stood there completely confused. I turned to the front door as I heard three knocks. I must have stood there for at least a minute to gather my thoughts. There was a knock on the door again.

I shook my head and walked towards the door, opening it widely.

"Isabella" said Edward.

My entire body froze. My mouth fell open and I couldn't find any words to say.

"Aren't you going to invite me in?". I nodded and moved out of his way to let him in. "How are you?" he stepped towards me and placed a gentle kiss on my lips. My heart started beating at an unnatural rate.

He pulled away and I finally mastered the skill of speech. "What are you doing here?"

"Well you haven't called at all so I thought I'd come and surprise you" he smiled and pulled me into him to embrace me. I shivered. I had forgotten how cold he was.

I pulled away and tried my best to give a convincing smile. He placed his hands on my hips and pulled me back into him. I closed my eyes and let him hold me until he got bored.

I was a truly awful person. I was stood with my breathtakingly beautiful husband and I was cringing when he held me. I thought back to twenty minutes a go and thought of how I wanted Jacob to hold me like Edward was doing now. However, being held by him reminded me of why I married him. I did love Edward. And at that point, all of my negativity towards Edward vanished. It was like he could make me love him by simply looking at me. Was that the problem? Was I so blinded by him that I was struggling to see whether or not he was actually right for me?

Edward and I spent the rest of the day together despite my telling him how I wanted to be here alone. Charlie wasn't best pleased when he saw Edward with me. In a way, I was hoping that Charlie would not allow us to sleep in the same room (I'd be sleeping, Edward would not) but seeing how we were married and twenty-one (I was twenty-one, Edward was one hundred and twelve) he had no obligation to allowing us in the same room.

I hadn't told Edward how I was going to see Jacob and the pack tomorrow. I figured it would be easier to argue about it closer to the time.

When it came to going to sleep, I tried to avoid it. Not because I wanted to stay up with Edward all night but because I didn't want him to have him watching me as I slept.

But as I laid down and closed my eyes with him cradling me, I felt home again. Yes he was cold and hard but he meant well. I fell asleep in an instant.

I awoke to find Edward next to me holding a plate of toast and a glass of juice. I smiled and took it, thanking him.

"I've missed you" he smiled then bent into me to give me a gentle kiss.

I smiled against his lips. "I missed you too". I looked down at my plate and my smile dissapeared. I knew what I was doing. Why was it that when I wasn't with Edward, Jacob was all I wanted. However, when Edward was here, I wouldn't dream of leaving him. I closed my eyes and frowned. Why was it so impossible for me to not hurt the people I love?. Why was it so hard for me to choose? Was it too late for me to choose? I supposed not. Although I was married, I'd still be able to change my mind right? Especially with something this important.

Edward noticed the frown across my face and spoke. "So, what are we doing today?" he brushed my hair with his fingers.

I avoided looking at him as I said "I'm seeing Jacob and the pack this afternoon"

His hand fell from my face and I saw him move away a bit. "Bella, you know they're dangerous"

"You know they're not. And you're not talking about the whole pack, you're just talking about Jacob" I pouted and stood up, walking away from him. I shrugged "You can say whatever you want but I'm going to La Push today. I promised" I crossed my arms over my chest and attempted to look sternly into Edwards eyes.

"You promised? Bella, you promised me when you married me, not to go chasing after other men" he gave me the look which completely breaks my heart. I uncrossed my arms and looked at him helplessly.

"I'm not chasing after some other man. He's my best friend and I'm sorry that you don't like him but I do. I haven't spoken to him in three years, the least I can do is visit him when he asks"

"But it's quite obvious that he's chasing after you. He even wrote to you asking for you to come home. Who's to say you wont listen to him?" he stood up and paced the room. I had never known Edward to be paranoid except for when it came to Jacob. And whenever I was in Edward's presence, I found it hard to think of myself leaving him for someone else. If I were with Jacob however, I'd want nothing more then the human life which is why I was finding myself struggling so much to find where I want to be.

"I'm not going to lea-" I paused and thought about what he had just said. "Did you say he wrote to me?" my heart sped up ten times.

"What? That doesn't matter"

"Why didn't I get that letter?" I didn't have to force myself to look stern or strong this time.

"Because I didn't give it to you" he sat down on the rocking chair in the corner of my room and took an unnecessary breath.

"Why?" I stared at him, not knowing what to think or do. I simply stood there, arms by my side, eyes starting to water.

"Because you would do as he said!" he stood up and strode towards me so he was inches away from my face. "And I don't want to lose you!" he cupped the back of my head and pulled me into kiss him. His kiss was reckless compared to his usual, restraint. He was trying to get me to stay. And it was working. I brought my hands up to his hair and ran them down to meet the base of his neck. I held onto him and deepened the kiss, while getting a little dizzy. I moved my hands to his chest and tugged at his shirt a bit. His hands fell to my waist whereas mine then fell to the belt of his jeans. He frowned and broke the kiss leaving me breathless and a little blind-sighted. "We've been through this... we can't"

I stepped away from him and became frustrated. "But I'm your wife"

"And you're still human. I could hurt you and I wont let that happen"

"You wont let it happen? What makes you think you have all this control over me? I'm not some fragile china doll! I'm your wife" I threw my arms to my side and began to cry.

"It's too dangerous. If you could just wait until you're no longer human then-"

"And how long will that take? You didn't even want me to become like you. So how much longer are you expecting me to wait? It's been almost four years. Why should you get to decide what I want? Is that why you took Jacob's letter? To regain control?"

"I'm your husband. I'm supposed to protect you"

I shook my head and threw open the door and headed downstairs. I shouted back at him as I grabbed my car keys. "You're doing the total opposite of protecting me" I ran for the car before he could stop me. I started the ignition and looked back at the house to see him stood on the porch watching me leave. I turned my eyes back to the road and headed for La Push.

Once I arrived at Jacob's, I went to the porch and knocked quickly on the door.

I was met by Billy. "Bella? Jacob said you were coming over a bit later. What time is it?"

"Is he here?" I hadn't stopped crying and I was struggling to find my breath.

"No, he's still at work. He should be home soon. Are you okay?"

I looked around. "Where does he work?"

"Erm, the garage in town. It's called Mick's. Do you want to come in and wait for him?"

I shook my head and thanked Billy before running back to the car and driving off to find Jacob.

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><p><em>So as you can probably tell, I found this chapter hard to write, hence the wait for having it uploaded. I just don't like writing Edward. He isn't fun to write and I wasn't sure how to get from the beginning of the chapter to the end so the middle may be a bit boring.<em>

_Please tell me what you thought and where you'd like to see it go. I really appreciate you taking the time to read this :)_

_Thank you._


	6. Chapter 5

_Thank you all so much for the reviews and for reading the last chapter :) I appreciate it so much :)_

_Love Bites – Def Leppard_

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><p>I pulled up outside a quiet garage with a large white sign over the front saying "Mick's Car Garage". I parked on the street a few yards away and got out and headed for the front. There didn't seem to be a front desk or reception area, it was just an open garage front with a few pits and lifts inside and racks and rack of tyres near the back. There were a few doors along the back wall. A large man walked out from one of the back rooms and come towards me.<p>

"Can I help you, love?"

"Is Jacob Black here?" I stood uncomfortably and hoped I had the right place.

"Yeah, he's round the back getting changed. He'll be out in a minute" he walked past me and threw a backpack on his back then threw me a bunch of keys. "Tell him to lock up. I'm going home" he waved at me as he left.

I turned around awkwardly and debated whether or not to go towards the back. Instead I just stood there waiting and playing with the keys in my hand. After a while I heard a door open and saw Jacob come out the same door the man did. He dragged a bag behind him and stared at the floor as he walked. I had to clear my throat to let him know I was here.

He looked up at me and frowned. "What are you doing here?"

"To be honest, I'm not quite sure" I tried to smile convincingly at him. I held my hand out containing the keys. "That guy told you to lock up"

He nodded and took them from me. "You've been crying" he stated. I rubbed my eyes with my sleeves to dry whatever tears were left from my face. "Is it him?"

I nodded. He seemed annoyed at me. And he probably was. He was probably scared that I was going to forget about him now that Edward was here.

"You might as well come in. I need to sort some stuff out before we leave" he watched me as I walked further into the garage. He walked to the entrance and slid the flimsy metal doors to the other side where he got the correct key from the bunch and locked it. He then motioned for me to follow him as he walked to the back again and went through to a room with lockers against the walls and a large, unorganised desk in the centre of the room. He threw his bag on the floor and sat on the desk. He smiled and moved some papers out the way then patted the clear space for me to sit. "So what happened?"

I sat next to him and stared at my hands in my lap. When I didn't say anything, he nudged me with his shoulder. "The usual"

"Is it my fault?"

"Not everything's about you y'know" I kept my eyes away from him and smiled. I remained quiet again for a while.

"Bells..." I looked up at him. It felt good to hear him call me that again. "Talk to me"

I shrugged. "He just thinks that because he's my husband, he has the right to tell me what I should do and what I shouldn't. He did take your letter. He took it so I wouldn't come here"

"I told you. The guy's and asshole, Bells"

"Yeah but he's still my husband" I gave him a disapproving look and bashed into him with my shoulder.

I just laughed. "Sorry. So is that it?"

I didn't answer him.

"What aren't you telling me? What else is there?"

My eyes fell back to my lap. My lack of sex was the absolute last thing I wanted to talk about. "Nothing"

"You're an awful liar" he ducked his head down in front of mine so he could meet my eyes.

"I don't want to talk about it"

"Yeah you do. You just don't know how to word it"

I smiled widely. It sometimes scared me how he could read me so well. Because the truth was I did want to talk about it. I wanted to rant about all my problems, even the embarrassing ones. I just didn't know how. I took a deep breath. "Edward is very... reluctant. He's hesitant when it comes to... hurting me"

Jacob stared at me blankly. He hadn't quite got it.

I decided to be blunt. "He wont allow us to get close in _any way. _Not while I'm human anyway"

"Oh". He got it. "So... you two don't..."

"No"

"So you've never..."

"Never" I continued to stare at the ground uncomfortably.

"Okay" he just nodded.

"You can laugh if you want"

"Why would I do that?"

"Because what twenty-one year old have you heard of, who's been married for three years, who's still a virgin" I never looked at him.

"Yeah but I've also never heard of anyone being married to a bloodsucker so really, it's probably normal"

I sighed. "What's wrong with me? I can't even get my husband to sleep with me"

"Listen to me" he placed a hand under my chin and turned my head to look at him. "There is nothing wrong with you. It's him. Not you. You know I think the world of you but actually, and I can't believe I'm going to say this, but I agree with him. If he ever hurt you in any way..." he smiled at me and ran a hand through my hair, tucking it behind my ear.

"It's alright for you though. You don't have to worry about this" I looked away and pouted.

"Actually... we're both in the same position... kinda"

"You can't bed your vampire husband either?"

He laughed and nervously itched the back of his neck. "You know what I mean... you can laugh at me too if you want"

"So you've never either?"

"Never" he laughed nervously again and looked away from me for the first time today.

"Wow"

"Why do you sound surprised?"

"Because you're so... well... look at you!" I ran my eyes over him. "Can I ask why?"

He shrugged. "There's only really one person for me and they've been gone a while"

"Is it Embry?" I joked to break the awkwardness that I had felt start to rise.

He laughed and stood up. "We should head out to Emily's now. There'll be no food left if we don't leave soon" he took my hand and pulled me off the desk. We stood there for a moment. He stared at his hand in mine. "Have I told you yet that I'm really happy you're back?"

I shook my head and smiled.

"Well then Mrs Cullen... I'm really happy you're back" he placed his forehead on the top of my head then groaned. "Mrs Cullen... I don't like the sound of that. Really doesn't suit you" he slowly let go of my hand and picked up his things.

I laughed and followed him out to the car.

I drove behind him on the way to Emily's. When we got there, I nervously got out and walked over to Jacob as he slammed shut his car door. He placed a hand on my back and pushed me towards the house. He opened the door to let ourselves in and declared everyone of our presence.

I was immediately greeted by everyone. Quil and Embry fought over who got to hug me first, Embry won. Jared waited his turn and tightly wrapped his arms around me with a squeeze. Seth bounced over and spun me round before placing me back on my feet. Paul simply nodded and smiled from a few feet away. Sam came over and hugged me, kissing me on the cheek and told me it was good to see me. Emily did the same. Rachael and Kim said their friendly hellos and Leah stood across the room, scowling at me the whole time .

Everyone eventually moved into the garden where Sam and Quil set up the bonfire. I stayed and helped Emily with the food.

"It really is good to see you again, Bella" she placed a hand on my shoulder and squeezed me towards her for a friendly hug. "And it's good to have Jacob back to his old self"

"Yeah. I missed him"

"Well God knows he missed you. Are you going to stay?"

I sighed. "I don't know. I just wish someone would tell me exactly what I should do"

"Well we're the wrong people to ask, you know what our answer would be" she handed me a large plate overfilled with food to take outside. "But if you want someone to confirm what you want to do but are too nervous to do so then just speak to Jacob" she walked past me and headed outside to join everyone else.

As I went to follow her, Jacob came in carrying two beers. "Drink?"

I motioned to him that I was carrying a very big plate and couldn't exactly take the bottle at the moment. He rolled his eyes and followed me outside.

The rest of the night consisted of eating, drinking and laughing harder then I have in years. I realised that I should probably stop drinking when I stood up to go to the bathroom and almost fell which was met by everyone laughing. I joined in the giggling as I went inside.

I was met by Jacob as I opened the bathroom door.

"So everyone seems really happy that you're back"

"Yeah" I grinned. "I'm happy too. I missed this"

"So what are you doing to do? About him, I mean. He can't be too happy at the fact you've been gone all day and that you're here now"

"He isn't happy with a lot of stuff I do. That's his problem"

He laughed and nodded. "Fair enough"

He smiled my smile. My Jacob smile that I remembered. The smile that was the reason I found it hard to leave in the first place. The one that I hadn't seen in three years. The smile that made me fall in love with him in the first place.

And there it was. I was in love with him.

It had nothing to do with the alcohol in my system. It had nothing to do with my confusion concerning Edward. And it had nothing to do with me wanting an excuse to stay. I loved him.

But was it enough?

"Jake?"

"Yeah?"

"Can I just...?" I placed a hand on the back of his head and pulled him into me. I paused for a moment before meeting my lips with his. He instantly sunk into it and pulled my entire body against his. His hands fell to my hips. I flicked my tongue along his bottom lip to ask for entrance which he willingly gave. I knew it was wrong. My mind wouldn't stop shouting 'this is wrong! What are you doing?' but I ignored it and instead let my hands travel under his shirt and up along his perfectly sculpted chest. He pressed me up against the bathroom which wasn't closed properly, it swung open and we stumbled inside, never separating from each other. He closed the door and spun me around so I was up against it like he had originally intended. Everything about this was new and different. He was so reckless and passionate. He wasn't like Edward. Jacob was able to lose himself as he pressed himself up against me. He had no fear of biting me as kissed down my neck to my collarbone. He didn't have to worry about bruising me and he grabbed my bum to lift me to to his level. I wrapped my legs around his waist to secure myself.

He broke his lips away from mine. "Bella..." he panted "What are we doing?"

"I don't know" I replied as he playfully took my earlobe with his teeth.

Just as his lips found mine again there was a knock on the other side of the door. We both froze as Quil shouted from the hallway. "Get the hell out! I'm dying for a piss"

Jacob gently put me to my feet as I straightened my clothes and hair. We both checked ourselves in the bathroom mirror then Jacob opened the door to see a surprised Quil.

"Whoa. What were you guys do-"

"Not another word" Jacob interrupted him as he led me downstairs.

Jacob dropped me off home later that night. We both sat in the car for a few minutes in silence before I got out. As I opened the car door he placed a hand on my thigh to stop me. "What are you going to say to him?"

I turned to look at the house, knowing Edward was inside. I shrugged. "I'm not sure yet"

Jacob nodded and smiled my favourite smile as I got out.

I placed my key in the door as quietly as I could then crept my way upstairs, being careful not to wake Charlie.

Edward was sat on my bed when I got to my room.

"Hi" I said to him.

"We're leaving" he stated without looking at me.

"Excuse me?"

"We're going back. You said that you wanted to visit, you've visited now. So we're going back"

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><p><em>So that chapter was a lot longer then I intended :) but I had too much fun writing it. I like the contrast between me writing this one and me writing the last chapter, Jacob makes it so much more enjoyable to write as you can probably tell.<em>

_Thank you all so much for reviewing. I really do appreciate it. Tell me what you think and where you think it should go :)_

_xx -hugs-_


	7. Chapter 6

_Thank you all so much for your support and reviews. It really encourages me to continue writing :)_

_Let This Go – Paramore_

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><p><strong>Jacob POV<strong>

I woke up the next morning practically singing with happiness. Every now and then I had to pinch myself to make sure I wasn't dreaming. My mind was still determined to put me down though. It kept saying 'She'll never choose you' and 'She had been drinking, she had no idea what she was doing' but I refused to believe it. For the first times in years, I actually had hope.

I walked through the house in just my underwear, I wasn't expecting company. Or at least I thought I wasn't.

When I got to the front room, Bella was sat on the sofa with Paul.

"What's going on?"

Paul turned round and took me aside. "She was sat in her car outside for about an hour. I came by to see you and I let her in. She wont say what's wrong. She wont say a word to me" he patted my shoulder before leaving.

I watched her for a moment. Her fingers were nervously twisting around each other and she was sobbing.

"Bells?" she looked at me then stood up and faced me. She didn't walk towards me or say hello or anything. I was getting to the point where I believed last night didn't happen.

"I'm leaving" she stated. She didn't look at me.

"You're what?"

She cried harder and collapsed again onto the sofa with her hands clutching her hair. "I'm leaving. With Edward. I'm going back to Alaska and I'm not coming back this time"

At first I thought she was joking. "Why?" was all I could say.

"Because it's for the best. Because it-"

"Bullshit!" I had my fists clenched. "Is it him? Is he making you go?"

She didn't say anything.

I quickly sat next to her and took her hands into mine. "Bells..." she looked at me and continued to cry. "You don't want this. It's him. Please. Don't listen to him"

She shook her head. "I have to. He's my husband and I have to go"

I pressed my forehead against hers and clutched the back of her head. "You don't have to do anything. Please. Stay. With me"

"I can't" she sobbed. "I'm sorry" she stood up and walked for the door.

I grabbed her wrist to stop her. "Why can't you see that he has you fucking brainwashed! You don't want to go! Just admit it"

"No. I don't want to go. Are you happy now! But do you know what else I don't want? A failed marriage" she snatched her wrist from me and went to open the door.

I ran after her and slammed the door shut when she was half way opening it. I pulled her towards me and roughly kissed her. She cried harder as she returned my kiss, clutching my hair and pulling herself into me. I wrapped my arms around her and I suddenly became aware I was only in my underwear. I pulled away for air but didn't increase our distance. "Please don't go" I ran my fingers through her hair and kissed the tip of her nose.

She shook her head and pulled away from me. "Don't make this any harder then it already is"

"Why are you really doing this?" my breathing hitched as I tried to stop myself from crying.

"Because I don't want to hurt you anymore"

"It will kill me if you leave" I failed at stopping from crying and a few tears streamed down my face.

She turned away from me and opened the door to leave.

I just stood there. And I watched her go. I watched her break down into tears as she walked towards her car and tried to stop herself from shaking to open the door.

She started the engine and drove away.

I stood there for what felt like years. I turned away and kicked the nearest thing to me. I ignored the pain in my foot and strode towards the kitchen. I ran my hands through my hair and cried into my arms.

I couldn't understand what just happened. Everything was torn away from me in and instance. I couldn't stop her. I slid down the wall and sat on the floor with my head in my knees.

How could she just leave again? I didn't understand. She had given me so much hope. She had given me everything I had wanted and she just threw it away.

She didn't even know how much I loved her. I never told her. She knew I loved her but she didn't know _just_ how much.

If I told her, maybe she'd stay.

She was scared of throwing away what she had with Edward but I had to let her know that I'm better.

I stood up and grabbed a pair or shorts from my room before running out the door towards the tree line. I phased and held the shorts in my mouth as I ran.

I didn't want to miss her. I didn't want it to be too late.

I ignored the fact that Jared and Sam were also phased and tried to talk to me. I didn't care about them. I just had to get to her.

I arrived behind her house within five minutes. I phased back, put my shorts on and ran around to the front of the house, banging my fist on the door repeatedly.

Charlie opened the door. "You okay, son?"

"Is she here? Please tell me she's here"

"Yeah she's here. She's packing" he stepped aside to let me in.

"Bella!" I shouted from the bottom of the stairs.

"I'm just going to head out, let you kids talk" I hardly noticed Charlie close the door behind him. I was just staring at the top of the stairs, waiting for her.

Edward came down. "What do you want?'

"I need to see her"

"She's already too upset. I don't want you to upset her any more"

"I'm upsetting her! You're the one who's making her leave!"

"I'm not making her do anything"

"Then let me see her. Let her decide"

"Jacob?" she appeared from the tops of the stairs and made her way down, pushing past Edward. "What are you doing?" her eyes were red and puffy from crying.

"I can't let you leave. I just can't"

"Jacob maybe you should just leave" Edward said with no emotion as he placed a hand on Bella's shoulder.

"Shut the fuck up! I am _not_ going to let you take her away from me again. Not again" I made a move for him. I wanted to kill him so much.

Bella placed a hand on my chest and pushed me away. "Come outside with me"

I followed her to the back of the house.

"Jacob. I told you. I'm leaving and it's what I want. It has nothing to do with Edward" she had her arms crossed around her chest and she was staring at the floor.

"You're such an awful liar, Bells" tears fell down my face again. I placed a hand on her hips and pulled her a little closer to me. "You can't just kiss me the way you did yesterday and expect me to believe that Edward has nothing to do with you leaving" I replayed the kiss through my head, knowing full well that Edward was probably near by, listening to everything that's going through my head.

"That was a mistake" she shook her head and walked away from me and started to go back to the house.

"Bella, don't make me beg"

"Just leave, Jacob"

"But I love you. You have no _idea_ how much"

"Nothing you can say will make me stay"

I fell to my knees. "I'm begging you. Please don't go. It will _kill me_ if you leave"

She continued to walk further away.

I took a breath and shouted what I should have told her so many years ago. "You're my imprint!"

She stopped in her tracks.

My heart rate increased ten times.

She turned around to face me. "That is not fair"

"Fair?"

She walked towards me, frowning. "Jacob Black, that is _not_ fair! Don't you dare lie to me about that"

"I promise you. I'm not lying"

"I cannot believe you would sink so low as to lie about something like that" she turned around and walked back to the house faster then she was before. "You just made leaving a hell of a lot easier"

I failed. I couldn't stop her. I continued to sit on the muddy grass for a while. I didn't care how pathetic I looked. I had lost her.

I stood up and made my way home. I didn't look back at the house.

I didn't bother phasing. I just walked through the woods.

I had lost her.

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><p><em>So. Sorry about that :P But it was necessary. I will assure you that everything will be okay but I won't tell you when or how. <em>

_Just don't hate me. I love Jacob and I wasn't happy that I had to hurt him like that. _

_Please tell me what you think. I'm nervous about what you're going to say :)_

_Thank you!_

_xxx _


	8. Chapter 7

_Sorry that the last chapter upset a lot of you :P Things will be happy soon, I swear :)_

_Always – Bon Jovi_

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><p>We arrived back at the Cullen house the next day. I was greeted by everyone. I couldn't help but compare their greetings with the greetings of the pack. I couldn't help but remember how Embry and Quil fought to hug me first. The Cullen's just stood there and smiled, telling me how much they missed me.<p>

I did my best to smile back then went to my room to dump my stuff.

I entered the pristine clean room. The bed (only used by me) was perfectly made with crisp new sheets. The whole room was hard and cold.

I closed my eyes and thought of Jacob's room. How it was impossibly messy and he never cared. How the bookcases were full of little handmade wooden sculptures. The room was warm and used. The tiny bed in the corner was never made and it had the same musky smell that he had.

However, the bedsheets here just smelt of washing powder.

I sat on the bed and sighed. I looked at my left hand and realised that Edward hasn't noticed that I took off the ring. It was still in the glovebox of my car. I reminded myself to get it before he does notice.

"Bella?" I looked up to see Rosalie stood in the doorway. "Can I come in?"

I nodded.

She came in and sat down next to me. "When you left to go home, I thought you were going to stay. Not that I don't want you here, but you know how much I want you to have the human life"

"Yeah well... I came back" I smiled at her and tried to look as happy as possible. The truth was, I wasn't happy. I was far from happy. I loved Edward, I really did. But he wasn't he person who I was constantly thinking about anymore.

Rosalie sighed. "Tell me truthfully, Bella. Where do you want to be?"

"Here" I lied.

"I promise I wont let my brother see what you said. If you decide to tell me the truth"

"And I promise that I want to be here" I lied again.

"Well then, I guess I should stop pestering you" she smiled and left the room. "Oh" she said as she turned back to me. "I believe this belongs to you. I snagged it from Edwards things when he went running after you" she held out an opened envelope.

I turned it over to see my name and address written in messy handwriting. I looked up to see Rosalie was already gone. I went to close the bedroom door after her then returned to the bed where I sat in the middle with my legs crossed.

I took out the piece of paper inside the envelope and turned it round in my fingers for a while before unfolding it and reading it.

_Bella,_

_Come back..._

_Please come home._

That was it. That was all he wrote.

I smiled. That was all he needed to write. He didn't even sign his name.

But it was all too late now.

A few tears landed on the paper as I started to cry again. That was all I seemed to do these days. I brought my knees up to my chest and buried my face in the paper and sobbed.

How did it get to this? When I married Edward I thought I'd be the happiest person alive. Edward was so incredible. He was so caring and protective. He always meant well even though he came across harsh and controlling.

But Jacob was also incredible. He was also caring and protective. But he was never harsh or controlling. If there was some ridiculously stupid thing I wanted to do, he'd be there, doing it with me but looking after me the whole time.

I shook all thoughts of Jacob from my mind. I didn't choose him. I chose Edward.

I stood up and went to the bin and dropped the letter inside.

I spent the next two days moping around the house, trying my best to look content. Rosalie saw right threw me and kept persisting for me to tell her what was wrong.

Edward went hunting with Jasper, Emmet and Carlisle leaving me with Alice to look after me. She avoided me for a lot of the time which I found odd. Usually she'd be bugging me constantly. About an hour before Edward was due back Alice sat with me on the sofa. Her tiny hands fell on mine and she looked me in the face. "Bella..." she sighed. "Can I ask you something"

"Of course"

"How much do you love my brother?"

"Very much. Why?"

She wrapped her small frame around me and hugged me. "We'll miss you. I just want you to know that none of us think badly of you"

"Alice, what the hell are you talking about?"

"I can't see your future. Not even a little bit" she still hadn't let go of me.

"Why?"

"Because I can't see past the wolves"

I was genuinely confused. "But I'm not with the wolves"

"That's why I've packed your stuff for you" she released me and smiled. She then looked past me, nodded and walked away.

"Bella..." I turned around to see Edward in the doorway. He had just gotten back from hunting. "I'm sorry. For everything"

"Edward... I don't understand"

"It's not fair for me to keep you here. I once said that I'd let you go if this wasn't what you wanted anymore. And I was selfish for going back on that" he didn't look at me. He just stared at the floor, frowning, like he didn't want to say or do what he was doing. "I love you but you're hurting and I wont be able to live with myself knowing that I'm the one hurting you. I used to think that it was all his fault but really, it was me who was getting in the way"

"Edward, what are you saying?"

"That you should go home now before I change my mind"

"Thank you" I said as my eyes overflowed with tears. I ran to my room and grabbed my ready packed cases a bit too eagerly. I slowed down a bit for appearances and placed them by the front door. I went over to Edward and hugged him one final time. "I love you"

He returned my hug and squeezed me tight. "I'm sorry it had to be this way. I hate him for taking you away from me but I suppose you were always more his" he wiped away a tear of mine and kissed me gently. This was the Edward I fell in love with. The caring one who wanted the best for me. The Edward who ran away to Italy for fear of hurting me. The gentle, loving, giving Edward. And the Edward that I'll remember forever. "But I promise that if he ever hurts you in anyway, I will kill him"

I smiled and said goodbye.

When I got outside, Alice had already called me a taxi for the airport.

I looked back at the Cullen house as we drove off and smiled.

I landed in Washington a good few hours later and stood there aimlessly for a bit. I wasn't sure what to do now. I had no car. I couldn't just call Jacob and get him to pick me up.

So I turned on my phone and called someone who could.

He picked up after the first ring. _"Hello?"_

"Paul? It's Bella" I was extremely nervous.

"_Fuck. What do you want?" _

"Are you with Jacob?"

"_No"_

"Good. I'm at the airport can you pick me up? I'll explain everything on the way"

"_I'm guessing I shouldn't tell Jacob?"_

"Please don't"

He sighed down the phone. _"This better be good"_ then he hung up.

It felt like forever waiting for Paul to turn up. I had gone over a million times what I was going to say to Jacob when I arrived. I was more nervous then when I first turned up at his house after not seeing him for three years.

After what felt like a year, Paul pulled up outside the airport and told me to get in. He grabbed my things and threw them in the trunk.

"So what's this about then, Swan?"

"I left him" I kept my eyes straight ahead.

"Damn. About time. And you're going to tell Jacob?"

"Yes"

"Then what?"

"Haven't a clue" I started to feel ill with nerves. "Is he going to hate me more this time?"

"Compared to the last time you abandoned him despite his desperate begging? Possibly"

"Great" I fiddled with the sleeves of my coat to keep myself occupied. "Paul?"

"Yeah?"

"It is true?"

"Is what true?"

"You know what I'm talking about"

He looked around nervously. "It's not really my place to say"

"Please... I just want to know if I'm wasting my time or not"

He shook his head. "You're not wasting your time"

We were silent for the rest of the journey.

When we arrived, Paul told me to get out quickly as Jacob would have heard him pull up. I thanked him and he wished me good luck. I took my things from his car and placed them on the porch to Jacob's house. I didn't bother knocking, I just let myself in.

"Go away, Paul!" Jacob shouted from his room.

"It's not Paul" I shouted back.

* * *

><p><em>So yeah :)<em>

_It took me a few tries to write this, especially the beginning and Edward's bit. I didn't want Edward to be a total asshole like he has been throughout. I wanted their goodbye to be a relatively nice one and I think I achieved that. I was scared that I made Edward too nice because I have plans for him to come back and I was scared that if he was too nice here, it wouldn't make sense for him to be a bit of a bastard later (ooo there's a little preview for ya)_

_But I hope you guys liked it :) After all, you're the reason I write all this._

_Thank you all so much for reviewing and sticking with me. I really appreciate it._

_-hugs- xx_


	9. Chapter 8

_I'm going to Italy on Saturday so i'm going to try to get as many chapters as I can up this week to make up for my absence for two weeks :)_

_My Heart – Paramore_

* * *

><p>Jacob appeared from around the corner and just stared at me for a few minutes. Neither of us said anything. An array of emotions spread across his face and he finally settled on angry. "Bella what are you-"<p>

"Stop" I interrupted. I found that I was actually quite upset. "Why didn't you tell me?"

He didn't say anything.

"When? When did you imprint on me?"

He sheepishly looked away from me. "When I first phased"

"When you first...?" I was becoming slightly mad. "And when were you actually planning on telling me! I mean, isn't this something that I should know?"

"I was going to tell you! That day when you jumped from the cliff. But then _he_ called and got in the way! Then he was back and you fucking married him! How the hell was I supposed to tell you then"

"Do you want to know why I was so hesitant to choose you? Because there was always the chance that I could lose you to someone else and could do not nothing about it. Do you want to know how many nights I've cried myself to sleep with the fear that in the morning, you could have imprinted and that person wouldn't be me? _That_ was why I didn't choose you. Because if I lost you to someone else I don't know what I would have done"

"And how do you think I felt when you married him!" he shouted. "I lost you to him and it fucking killed me!"

"Then why didn't you tell me! It could have changed everything"

"Because I wanted you to choose me, not because of some messed up, magic imprintation, but because you simply loved me"

My mouth fell open. "And at what point did I not make it clear that I was in love with you? Was it when I kissed you? Was it the multiple times I told you I love you? Or was it when I left my husband to be with you?" I threw my arms by my side, defeated. "And when I came back here you knew that I was unhappy. You knew that I wanted to find a reason to stay and all you had to do was tell me"

"But he came back and you just followed him home! And I was left, totally crushed, again" he looked away upset. "I don't care if I'm being selfish, but I just want you, Bells"

"I left because I was too much of a coward! I didn't want to be known as the girl who fucked up her marriage when she was so damn sure it would work in the first place! And I was scared that if I left him, I would have no where to go"

"You'd have me!"

"Not if you were to imprint on someone. Which absolutely terrified me because then I would have lost _everything. _So I would have rather lived unhappily than live while watching you with someone else"

"Then what the hell do you think I was doing when I was watching you with him" he strode towards me until he was about a metre away from me. "And I told you. I told you before you left in hope that you'd stay but it didn't work. You still left with him. And I've lost count of how many time I've lost to him"

"What do you think I'm doing here, Jake?" I asked him calmly, trying to push all my anger at him away. He looked at me as if he only just realised I had returned after telling him I was never coming back. "I left him. I've actually left him. He's going to send the divorce papers"

He stared at me for a few seconds to take in what I had just said. Then he closed the distance between us and kissed me. He desperately wrapped his arms around me so there was not a millimetre of distance between us. My hands found their way into his hair and I gently bit his lower lip which caused him to groan slightly. He reached out behind me and closed the front door which I had left open then pushed us both up against it. I reached for the hem of his shirt and lifted it over his head, throwing it to the floor. He started kissing down my neck, biting lightly as he did so. He picked me up so I was at his level where he then continued to kiss my collarbone and chest. He hooked a finger on the v-neck of my shirt and pulled it down just a little so he could continue to kiss my skin. He stopped at my bra then paused before dipping his tongue under the rim of it. He kept his eyes on mine to watch my reaction and when we realised he couldn't go too far, he pulled the cup of my bra down with his teeth and commenced kissing my breasts.

Eventually he lifted my shirt off and threw it on the floor to join his. He reached behind me and smoothly unhooked my bra with both hands and threw it away. Feeling slightly exposed, I pushed my chest up against his to cover my nakedness a little.

He must have sensed my nervousness. "Bells... are you sure about this?" he said between kisses.

I nodded and grinned against his lips.

He carried me away to his room where he kicked open the door and set me on his bed. His lips never left mine as he did so. I laid down on my back so that he was hovering over me. "I'm not rushing things am I?" he whispered in my ear.

I placed a hand on his shoulder and pushed him onto his side to flip us so he was laying on his back and I was straddling him. I shook my head "You're not rushing anything" I grinned. I leant over and dotted kisses on his lips, neck, collarbone, chest and stopped when I got to the waistband of his jeans. I watched him smiling as I unbuttoned them and slid them down so he was just in his underwear. He sat up and kissed me, flipping me over onto my back in the process. He then, in one swift move, undid my jeans, slid me out of them and had them somewhere on the floor. He bent down and started kissing the inside of my thighs. The anticipation was causing me to tremble. He hooked his fingers on the edge of my panties and slowly (too slowly) slid them down. He removed them then brought his attention back to me. He instantly plunged his tongue inside me causing me to gasp. He continued to explore me and I moaned and arched my back. I had never felt anything like it, not in this way. My toes began to curl with pleasure as continued to suck and lick passionately.

To much protest on my behalf, he stopped and smiled as he hovered over me once more. His brought his lips to mine and kissed me lovingly. I used to my feet to attempt to pull down his underwear while he smiled against my lips. Once I had finally undressed him he positioned himself so he was at my entrance. He stared into my eyes for a while and mouthed the words 'I love you'. I brought him down to kiss me before wrapping my legs around him. I gasped as he slid into me. He paused for a bit so I could adjust to his size. It was slightly painful at first but was quickly replaced by nothing but pure pleasure as he got his rhythm.

His breathing became heavier as he sped up, as did mine. I was making noises I had never heard myself make before and they became louder when I realised it was Jacob who was causing me to make them. His hands wondered around my body as he pounded into me and I had to refrain from digging my nails into his back too much as I felt myself climax. He kissed me roughly and grinded against me harder and harder as he himself ended. He collapsed on top of me, but still kept his weight on his elbows, as he gathered his breath.

He rolled over and pulled me with him so I was lying on his chest.

He kissed my forehead. "I love you, Bella Swan"

I smiled and kissed his chest. "I love you too, Jacob Black"

* * *

><p><em>I had to rush the end a bit cos I'm shattered. I know I said i'd try to have as many up as I can before I leave for two weeks but really, I'll probs only have this and another tomorrow perhaps. I was meant to upload this one last night but I accidentally went out :P<em>

_well anyway, I hope you enjoyed this one :)_

_I have ideas of what I want to happen next but 1) I'm not sure how to get there. 2) I don't know if you guys will like it. 3) It will be difficult to write. I think i'm going to do it anyway because I think it will be good. It wont be all lovely and happy though. So have a warning._

_Thank you all so much for reading and reviewing :) Keep them coming._

_xx_


	10. A Much Needed Apology

**I think it's safe to say that I must apologise for my massive absence. How long had it been? Four months? Wow. Sorry.**

**I don't really have an excuse apart from I just lost motivation to write. However my motivation is back!**

**I thought of starting a new story but then I remembered my love for this one and how it was actually developing rather nicely. So I'm going to continue writing it if you guys are willing to continue reading :) I understand if not though. You might think i'll just flake out on you again but never you fear! That won't happen. I'm going to actually get this done!**

**So within the next few days there will be a new chapter :) I'll make it a good one for you to apologise for being away so long.**

**While I'm doing that you might want to re-read past chapters to refresh yourself with what's going on. I sure had to :P**

**Thank you for staying loyal :) You guys are awesome. **


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